Unintentionally Funny

The Katy Perry loving football player reminded me of another unintentionally funny guy... Season 1 Winner of the Last Comic Standing Dat Pahn.

"The plan was to play hide-and-seek. Ralphie, reading his book, said that he'd read three pages more and then seek. At the "go" signal, everyone left the room -- and everyone but Dat came back right away. Dat took off like a bullet down the corridor. "I don't know how fast he thinks Ralphie is," Dave told the camera, "but he was just a streak." Ultimately, Dat landed in a hiding place in their theater, under the curtain.

What followed was mean. Juvenile. Cruel, almost. But absolutely drop-down hysterically funny. I laughed even harder than I did at last week's rat-hunt. The mainstay of the comics stayed in the living room, playing cards or just hanging out, while Dat hid and a graphic displayed how long he was there. Four minutes. Ten minutes. At 17 minutes he whispered to the camera, "Here's the thing. When he comes up, he's going to see you point that at me, and I'm dead. So point it somewhere else."

At 19 minutes, Dave narrated in a deadpan manner that it's been about 19 minutes that Dat has successfully hidden from Ralphie, and that Ralphie was intent on finding him. Cut to Ralphie intently and solemnly reading his book and everyone else collapsing in laughter.

At 23 minutes, Dat muttered that this was taking forever. Tess said in interview that at first she'd thought that they should get him out, but later changed her mind to leaving him for an hour, saying an hour would be enough time for him to think about how much he'd been stressing her out. (What is it about Dat?)

At 42 minutes, Dat said that he was trying to pretend there was an axe murder in the house who'd chop him to pieces if he knew his whereabouts, so he was trying to stay silent.

At 53 minutes Dat left his hiding place. "What the hell is wrong with you guys?" he asked. Cory explained that Ralphie looked everywhere. "You had the best hiding place."

At last they told him the joke, and roared with laughter."

What I remember next is Dat telling the other comics that he would never play with them again. I about fell on the floor laughing. I really don't think he had any idea how funny that statement was.

I did not enjoy the other seasons nearly as much as the original. It is hard to top Rich Vos and Dave Mordal bathes, Rich's interviews while ironing, and Ralphie May's girlfriend.

Life Lesson: Cinder Block Bars

Never stop for a beer at a cinder block bar with no windows.

No More Social Security Statements

So the government is going to save $70 million a year by ending the practice of mailing out annual social security statements. (One more nail in the USPS coffin!) My church also went through a similar exercise. First, they asked members to sign up for the electronic version and stop receiving one via postal mail. Secondly, they cut the newsletter mailing to every other week. So we get the same information - just in a different format and schedule.

If you read the article, the SSA is not providing any sort of on-line reporting tool as a replacement. Since the data exists electronically, one would think they could take part of the savings and build a system. They do provide an on-line estimator, but it wouldn't even recognize that I existed.

Tech Classics

A former co-worker e-mailed me with a funny update to a ticket that an IT tech had posted in their help desk. He called him a "George."

If you are in IT, you need to read the Chronicles of George for classics like "anti norton virus service" and "she would like to get nt network installed on her desktop, bah just replace it."

Also giving, as you might guess from the title, IT techs a good name is the Bastard Operator from Hell. He has been a role model to many. A typical interaction with him would go like this:

Another user rings.

"I need more space" he says

"Well, why not move to Texas?" I ask

"No, on my account, stupid."

Stupid? Uh-Oh..

"I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy Stewart in a Weekend Family Matine Feature "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?"

I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a goner and he knows it.

"Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*"

"Sure, hang on"

I hear him gasp his relief even though he'd covered the mouthpeice.

"There, you've got *plenty* of space now!"

"How much have I got?" he simps

Now this *REALLY* *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*! Not only do they want me to give them extra space, they want to check it, then correct me if I don't give them enough! They should be happy with what I give them *and that's it*!

Back into Jimmy Stewart mode.

"Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available"

"Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says, pleased with his bargaining power

"No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red at room temperature, with steak, extra rare, to follow; "4 Meg in total.."

"Huh? I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?"

I say nothing. It'll come to him.

The BOFH is famous for his excuses. If you need some help with coming up with an explanation for a user, you can try the BOFH Excuse Generator.

Baofeng UV-3R: Work-around to UV-3R Will Not Stop Transmitting

Julian, G4ILO, is at it again with some good information for a problem that has cropped up on a couple of rigs.

Symptom
After sending and releasing the PTT button, the radio continues to transmit. It happens on VHF, using the supplied microphone/ear piece, and the Menu Item 7 Power set to "High".

Cause
RF is leaking into the PTT circuit via the wire.

Workaround
1. Switch Menu Item 7 Power to "Low" or
2. Wind a couple of turns of the microphone cable on to a split ferrite.

And He Will Make Millions

Ja'Juan Story is a 4-star college football player. I'm not sure what is funnier in this interview - his blunt honesty or his taste in music.

$60 Ziplock Bag for iPad

As an iPad owner, I feel free to criticize dumb iPad accessories like the DryCase. It makes my brain hurt on so many levels, not the least of which is the fact that you can't read the iPad in direct sunlight anyway. They say it can be used by Kindle owners, too, but I feel like Kindle people are more practical and less prone to be a sucker to marketing.

Via Lifehacker

Knoxville is Big Time

First, we find out that Knoxville is getting a Publix. Now it sounds like we are getting a Costco and a Whole Foods. The scruffy little city continues to catch up to the rest of the world.

Organic Egg Scorecard

My supplier of eggs doesn't show up on the rankings of organic egg producers. Makes me think we need to get some government inspectors over there PDQ!

Here are the criteria for the Organic Egg Scorecard Ratings (PDF).

Via Lifehacker

Life Lesson: Label Keys

Label your keys.

Otherwise you may end up with a drawer full of keys and have no idea what they unlock. And the funny thing is that I don't have a single house key!